Priests on the run!

In the absence of a deranged serial killer and his ever startled tormentee the village turned to matters of the heart this week in what seemed like a valentines week special six months late.  Unrequited, forbidden and long lost love were all on the agenda as Ruby, Pete, Carmel, Father Francis, Mandy, Tony, Bart, Jason and Sinead all had their chance to shine.

Carmel’s ongoing conflict of the heart took centre stage as she battled her morals as to whether it would be the right thing to give into her lustful feelings and declare her love for gym loving priest Father Francis.   The sideshow of the calendar shoot – how else is a nun supposed to raise money if she can’t get all of her friends to pose naked? – led to Ethan pulling out and being replaced by the aforementioned man of the cloth.   I expect Ethan was busy what with there being a murderer on the loose.  Of course the two stories could have been tied together nicely if Silas had been asked to pose in the calendar but unfortunately this wasn’t to be.

The sight of the holy man in his skimpies sent shivers down Carmel’s spine.  Surely if she is distracted from her duties as a nun simply by a passing six pack then maybe her calling hasn’t been quite as successful as she might have thought.   Many wistful looks and serious words were shared by the couple over the week before Father Francis again leaned in and kissed Carmel before leaving with a regretful look on his face.  He then returned the next day to explain that he would be leaving to go back to Uganda to help the kids that he had previously been working with.

I was impressed by the efficiency of the charity that organised his flight.  They must really like him out there right?  Right?!  At the last minute Carmel seemed to have a change of heart after being urged to follow her heart by Mercedes and raced to the airport to let Francis know how she felt however she returned looking down on her luck and it was clear to see that she had missed him.  Either that or she was unable to work out the Chester bus system.

BUT!  The big reveal came at the end of the week as Father Francis was revealed to be nothing but a scam artist on his way to Vegas!  I can’t work out if the unassuming way that the reveal was done was a good or bad thing.  I mean does this definitely mean he was a scam artist?  Let’s look at the options.

  • ·         Maybe the announcement for the flight to Uganda had taken place shortly before the scene began?  Father Francis was just taking it easy.  No need to rush.
  • ·         Maybe he was taking the money to Vegas as he had a system for winning on the roulette tables and wanted to win more money so that he could help more kids?
  • ·         Maybe you can’t get a direct flight from Chester airport to Uganda International and the obvious stop-off point is in Vegas?  Right?

Hmm, as much as we’d love to see those options come true it looks like what no one suspected has come true and the man of God was in fact a player. 

This probably explained why he never seemed to do anything that a priest would be expected to do and seemed to spend most of his time in the gym.  I’m sure it wouldn’t be  that easy to pose as a priest. Surely he would have been assigned to the parish by the archbishop?  Did no one look into this?  Did he simply turn up at Hollyoaks church one day and just announce that he had

‘done a bit of praying and stuff in Uganda…’

It also begs the question why he didn’t chase Cindy for her cash.  Would that have been too obvious?   Also why was he so quick to back away from Carmel?  I’m guessing he thought it might ruin his plan.

So, Father Francis has gone.  Hollyoaks really don’t have the best of luck with priests do they?  I think the best option would be to get a really old one in with at least thirty years of service under his frock that won’t have his head turned by young men or run off his with the offertory money.

As I earlier mentioned unrequited love was also on the agenda this week as Ruby made her intentions clear to grumpy Irish head teacher Pete.  After moving in for a kiss that Pete simply couldn’t wheel away from in time, Ruby boasted to her buddy and roommate Esther that the feeling was mutual.  The bubble was however burst very quickly as Pete paid a visit later in the week to explain that he would not be tutoring anymore and that his duties would be taken over by Mrs Pritchard who it emerged had a bit of a fish based odour problem.   You would have thought that he wouldn’t have time to tutor students with learning difficulties during term time anyway due to his busy job as the headmaster of a secondary school but this didn’t seem to come into it.

Old flames Tony and Mandy were reunited this week following some intervention by Tom who still hasn’t died despite being involved in the amount of drama only usually seen in twelve episodes of Holby city in his lifetime.  Tom stole Mandy’s phone and sent Tony many texts that made his realise the importance of Mandy in his life blah blah blah.  Has Tony forgotten how just a few months ago Mandy re-emerged in the village with big plans to take him for everything he had?  This sequence of events ultimately led to his restaurant and flat being burnt down and his brother going to prison. 

Maybe Tony and Mandy simply had a plan that if the writers had no stories left to write about them by the time she was thirty they would just get married?  That would work right?  Also, where is Mandy’s baby?  She never seems to mention her/him.  Maybe she just made it up and is in fact insane.

The usual stuff was also ongoing with Jason, Bart and Sinead.  Is this storyline really still going on?  Jeez….